ARTIST. GRIOT. ACTIVIST

I hate confrontation. I hate strife. I hate conversing about important matters with people that don’t know how to listen. I have spent years making changes and removing myself from circles where strife and combat was the norm. I intentionally surrounded myself with people that share my sentiments and found a vibration that matched the energy I sought, and I rode with it and for the longest time, everything was smooth sailing.

Then I took up a task I had no business attempting, I opened my circle. At first it was interesting because it was familiar grounds, slowly, the nature of it started to surface and I recoiled as it hit me that it felt familiar because it was a path I had walked before that was hostile, a reminder of why I had walked away from it – it was not in the vibration I wanted.

I spent the past month contemplating this and retracing my steps, removing myself from that exposure and seeking to get back on that calm vibration that has been mine for a while now and for the most part I had succeeded, or so I thought.

Today I had an encounter that had me questioning how successful I was at getting back on that calm vibration and I have come to the realization that adding to my circle was a rather unnecessary step in this journey for me. I am on a different path, and it simply follows that finding people on the same wavelength is not going to be a piece of cake. And it may take a bit of getting used to, to sync with a kindred soul if I come across one.

I found myself in a rather combative exchange that had me jittery and anxious and I walked away from it rather exhausted. It was disappointing. I had looked forward to it all week, but I drove off thinking I need to get back to the drawing room and work on that blueprint again. The important thing will be to give up this task altogether, I had no business taking it on in the first place, and it was not fair, to all involved, to have opened the circle to allow anyone in.

At this point in my life, I am aiming for a soft life. I don’t want drama; I don’t want to be defensive all the time because I am misunderstood. I don’t want people in my circle that don’t speak my language because it will mean spending the rest of my life interpreting my every word. I want people that hear my soul and feel my spirit. True connection should not feel forced and difficult. There should be fluidity and flexibility in a soul connection.

I miss being understood. I learn something new every day though. Peace begins with me.

©Naan Pocen